Old gay suck

Diaries of a homosexual

They say every darkness in Europe tells a story, but this week on Diaries of a Homosexual, my nights told a full-blown saga one with fashion statements, criminal investigations, and kebab-line philosophers.

First, Maddie met a man in only a skirt who wasn’t just rewriting the rules of fashion but possibly her entire worldview. Meanwhile, my attempt to destroy into Berghain didn’t just end in rejection, it ended with me solving a crime. Who knew the bouncers were gatekeeping the club and Berlin’s unsolved mysteries?

Then there was the educate incident: me running like I was auditioning for the Olympics, only to end up with bloody arms and linen pants that would make any dry cleaner weep. And because subtlety isn’t my forte, I thought disguising my lesbian confidant as a short-lived boy to sneak into a men’s club was a genius idea. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

The night peaked in a McDonald’s bathroom, where I was mid-vomit/makeout when a fight broke out. The kind of scene that makes you question if you’re the protagonist or just an innocent bystander in life’s absurd sitcom. Maddie’s insights on love and heartbreak came later, as we untangled the lessons buried in o

Gay-"Suck It"

FAQs for Gay-"Suck It"

When was Gay-"Suck It" released?

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Tesco Vee for Dummies, or: He’s the Meatman, and I Suck

10 August 2014

by Allan MacInnis

The Meatmen by Joe Gall, courtesy of Tesco Vee

My favourite moment of seeing the Meatmen perform in Vancouver in 2012 actually occurred between songs, when singer Tesco Vee – shed of his devil horns and giant inflatable erection – acknowledged the presence of what some might narrate as a “sweet little antique lady” at the side of the stage – no disbelieve the only woman in her demographic in attendance. “Are you Bev?” Tesco asked nicely. I’d previously explainted to Tesco at the merch table that veteran Vancouver punk photographer Bev Davies was in the audience, then flipped through a copy of the Touch & Go zine anthology, co-edited by Tesco himself, to show where they’d used some of Bev Davies’ photographs back in the day (there’s a vintage portrait of Black Flag that’s also appeared in one of Bev’s punk rock calendars). He got the audience to give a round of applause to a living legend – then completely undercut (and made classic) his gesture by mocking both his own age and Bev’s by launching into the song “Dinosaur” (described below). Everyone got a go

Photos by James Stafford

Men have simple sexual needs. They want to cum. That’s about it. They might sometimes cum in ways that they consider are inventive, like on your face or your tits, but it all comes down to the same end: a squirt of some white ropy stuff followed by a brief Xanax-y stupor. After about 20,000 orgasms, most men start to wonder, “Is that all there is to this cumming thing?” They get bored with orgasms.

Men in Middle America are suffering uninspired blowjobs from girlfriends on a daily basis. Is it any wonder a growing number of guys are thinking that maybe the best way to wrestle themselves out of their carnal torpor would be to attempt a blowjob from a bona fide homosexual? After all, every gay bloke they’ve ever met has told them a lgbtq+ blowjob is so much more exciting and enjoyable than a boring gal blowjob. “Nobody knows how to make a penis happy like a person who owns a penis of their own!” (That’s what gay guys state to get straight penises in their mouths.)

But remember this: Most “bi-curious” men aren’t thinking about how delicious it might feel to have another man’s dick buried