Gay married men
Married Men’s Group Facilitator
Carl Marshall, the first facilitator of the Married Men’s Organization, talks about the group and its history.
How did the group come about?
Well, in 2002, I left my marriage of 20 years as I realised that I was gay. I was very distressed, disoriented, and in require of support, and a friend directed me towards ‘Healthy Gay Life’, the (then) local health provider for the gay community. HGL was helpful to me as a married man. It was clear though that, as a group, some very specific support was needed. The manager who led the unit at that time recognised that I had collective management skills and asked me to set up a group for men who were in relationships with women who were also attracted to men.
Why was there a need for a specific group for men in relationships with women?
Acknowledging your ‘gay’ side can be very complicated. Married and cohabiting men who are also attracted to guys have very specific issues. Firstly, in admitting to themselves that they have male attractions. Secondly, the guilt of feeling that they have lied or made a mistake in getting into a connection with a female. The next obstacle is the reaction of people around them,
Is My Husband Gay? Signs of a Gay Husband
Sometimes a female may have been in a heterosexual relationship for years and yet feel something is somehow "off;" and she may discover herself asking, "Is my husband gay?" Many women find this question unthinkable but according to Bonnie Kaye, M.ED., an veteran in women married to homosexual men, it is estimated that 4 million women have been, or are, married to homosexual men. If a husband is gay, it can devastate not only the relationship but the straight wife as well.
Signs of a Gay Husband – Is My Man Gay?
The clearest way to know if your husband is gay is if he tells you. If the husband is honest with both you and with himself (read: How Do I Know If I Am Gay? Signs You Are Gay), that is when you can truly know that he is gay. Unfortunately, it is estimated that 50% of same-sex attracted husbands hide their homosexuality from their wives and don't grasp this place of honesty on their own. In many cases, it is the wife, who after suspecting that something is wrong, must confront the same-sex attracted husband with the evidence, and only then can honestly be achieved.
But if you're wondering, "Is my man gay," it might be helpful to know that there are signs to glance for, accordi
The Gay Man in the Straight Marriage
Rob rushed into his first session with me, gym bag on one shoulder, briefcase on the other, 10 minutes late and out of breath. He establish his bags down, gently put his Blackberry on the table in front of him, and heaved himself onto the couch. He sighed and began: “Okay, I’m gay, I’m married, I have three kids, and I’m not getting divorced.” He’d common some of this facts with me in our phone conversation, but I was still struck by the sense of hopelessness in his tone. As he paused, awaiting my response, quite honestly, I was awaiting my response as well. I knew this was not Rob’s first experience in therapy and that a lot was riding on what I was about to say.
Rob had been referred by a former client of mine he’d met in an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Just out of alcohol rehabilitation treatment, he’d begun attending AA meetings, where he’d shared parts of his story. He described a long battle with his sexual orientation, growing up in a devoutly Roman Catholic family, where he learned that his sexual attraction to men was cause for eternal dam
An Introduction
My client sat in the chair looking down at the floor, glancing up briefly to make eye contact, then darting his eyes back to the carpet. He spoke quietly, as if almost scared to be heard. He clutched his hands throughout the session, displaying all the markers of an anxious dude in the throes of shame. He was a novel client to my practice: a married, middle-aged, suburban dad with a high-powered career. A colleague had given him my number months before. It took him a extended time to muster the courage to call and create an appointment. Towards the end of our first session he looked up at me and said, “I reflect I’m in love…with another man. I’m scared and I don’t know what to do.”
I acquire worked with hundreds of gay men in heterosexual marriages struggling with entity in the closet or wanting to emerge from it. There is so much about these men that is misunderstood and very few studies or little literature to provide insight. I decided to disseminate my thoughts and research about these men and their struggles at a conference a several years ago. That presentation led to other opportunities to tell their story and of my work with them. Those presentations prompted men to record to