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My 50 years of Gay (But most of it was spent deep in the closet)

Michael* ponders how his life might have been if he’d felt competent to come out as gay earlier in life, and how community organization support can build a difference now . . .

 

OK, in retrospect I’ve probably been male lover for more than 50 years, but it was around 1967, when I was at the tender age of 13, that I began to notice my friends in a new brightness, and it dawned on me that some of them were rather good-looking.

Prior to this, I’d always preferred to be around other boys, girls just didn’t interest me.

I remember at first school, when I was probably only about 5 or 6 years aged, I used to prefer being with the other boys, and as I got a bit older it was boys that I spent my playtimes with, both in and out of school.

There were lots of girls in the neighbourhood, but it seemed that boys played with boys, and girls played with girls, and that suited me perfectly.

At the age of 7, I had been enrolled into the Cubs, so even more of my spare time was spent with other boys. In evidence, I remained an active member of the Scouting movement until I left home for university some 11 years later.

Starting secondary scho

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For too long, gay small stories have been kept in the closet. Identities have been suppressed, and lives spent in hiding have lead to a lot of gay fiction existence relegated to subtext or metaphors. But no more! Not here! On our page, we’ve gathered all the newest gay brief stories in one place.

The experiences of gay people are many and varied, and the short stories you’ll find here reflect that wonderful diversity. From tales of gay people overcoming the oppression they face, to stories of hope and love where they’re accepted with open arms, there’s a gay short story here for everyone.

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I was walking the prison track on a sunny southern California day in 2006 when a friend I’ll name Michael joined me. He looked prefer he could barely hold it together. His dark complexion was ashen, and there was dried toothpaste around his mouth. When I asked him how he was doing, it took a full four seconds before he answered.

“I’m going to eliminate myself,” Michael said.

He said it matter-of-factly, but when I looked at him to see if he was joking, his shoulders were slumped, his brain down, his eyes focused on the track immediately in front of him. I wondered if he had the same feeling I had, that any verbal misstep could end in disaster.

“Come on man,” I responded, with a lightness that I hoped hid the nervousness I felt. “Nothing could be that serious.”

“There’s a guy in my building that won’t leave me alone. He’s pressuring me to have sex with him.”

This threw me for a loop. I knew just about everybody on the Yard, and I was skeptical of his claim of overuse. I remembered that Michael had a reputation in our circle of friends for being overly dramatic. Often, he would bring up “problems” that were just attempts to get attention.

After a few minutes, we rounded the road pas

23."At around 28 years antique, I had a decent grasp that I'm overwhelmingly gay, with some infrequent and specific attraction towards women. I wasn't interested in doing anything sexual for the first 23 years of my experience, including masturbation. Then my internal sexual ‘switch’ was turned on. I gradually developed more and more sexual tension to the point it was feeling distressed. After a limited months of experiencing very novel and intense sexual feelings, I overcame my fear of masturbation and started doing it to various kinds of unbent and gay porn. It didn't take long to figure out that I liked men to an extent, but it took me years to flesh out the details."

"At 30 years old, I experienced sexual attraction to a man for the first time after we’d been online friends for a month. I came out to some close online friends and got into online dating for the first time. Then COVID happened and online online dating became too stressful, so I'm holding off on meeting prospective partners until it’s more safe. 

My next goal is to inform my parents and family about my sexuality. That's still a work in progress." —u/rbtur